Mary Ladd

Sore Loser

It's easy to feel sore when one's lips are turned into a war zone of bumps and tiny cuts. These painful and uncomfortable symptoms hit on the kisser after eating chiles to spice up a too-mild huevos rancheros restaurant breakfast. My lips gradually felt dry and itchy a few hours after eating the chiles. No amount of lip products helped. Fidgeting and itching around my mouth barely remedied things. I wanted to tell folks that, "No, it's not herpes, it's chiles," but (thankfully?) kept this info to myself. Having tiny blisters around the corners of my mouth offers too many reminders of what not to eat until the skin irritation passes. Hot sauce, chiles, citrus, and anything tomato based are all out. Perhaps the lesson is: you can get burned when you least expect it.   

Tucson Breakfast: Give it to me, baby

Tucson, Arizona has appealing and interesting food display options for the jalapeno minded. Sliced and whole jalapenos and other peppers are mixed in with baskets of rolls and bread, and even to the side of a scrambled egg chafing dish. Standing in a buffet line has never looked so good. The red and green chiles themselves have a mild kick, likely to appease all palates. Not many guests were observed eating the garnish. Let them enjoy the desert country, where blue skies, dry climate, tequila, and turquoise beckon. That leaves the chiles for those who can handle and love it. 

SF Fancy Food Show

Attending the Winter Fancy Food Show at San Francisco's Moscone Center offers a good peek into up and coming new specialty food and beverages. Department Store, supermarket, and specialty food store reps receive the most attention from exhibitors at the Fancy Food Show. These reps typically place orders of multiple product lines, which equals major sales for an exhibitor.

Other attendees such as cooking school students will likely get the cold shoulder, as I did my first year. It matters little if one is looking to learn more about the specialty food world, to network, or even sample from the endless array of hot sauces, cheese, crackers, chocolate, sauces, coffee, tea, fizzy waters, international and ethnic food, charcuterie, or wine and booze. I quickly learned that a seasoned attendee won't gobble each and every sample he or she sees, but instead limit sample intake to something truly delicious, remarkable, and different. Even so, exhibitors that offer espresso, gelato, and chocolate remain favorites for attendees of all stripes.

My second year (and several years following) at the Fancy Food Show was spent working for one of the exhibitors. I was supposed to prepare and pass out samples, swipe attendee badges (for those potential sales), and generally make nice with the swarms of attendees. Food knowledge and more importantly patience was critical for this work. On opening day, some attendees seem to have been raised in a cave, and find it perfectly okay to grab and touch pate, cheese, smoked duck breast, or unfilled pastry shells with their hands, rather than picking up the sample plates or cups that we set out.

That first year yielded a suitcase packed full of ham, salami, cheeses, pate, jellies, candy, chocolate, Nueske's beef sticks, truffle oil, olive oil, wasabi nuts, duck breast, and more. I couldn't even lift the suitcase out of the taxi when I arrived home, and tipped the cabbie with ample cash and a jar of jelly. Oscar and I parked the suitcase at the bottom of the apartment stairs and took turns guarding the bounty and running up and down the stairs, arms full of food goodies. I was overjoyed and announced it was "better than any day, ever!!" as I re-arranged the fridge to accommodate everything.

Further sharing the bounty with friends seemed like the right thing to do.  However, having people over the night the show ended left me in a panicked, hopped up state. Any worries about further tidying up our place were lost in the frenzy of getting food set up for guests arriving in little over an hour. That first year, I ordered departing guests to take home at least one doggie bag of food, to help us out. One reporter known to be a sarcastic guy asked, "What will I do with all this ham on BART?" to which I responded, "Make a frittata. If that's too hard, how 'bout soup? Or sandwiches? If you don't want it, give it to someone who does!" By taking some of the fancy food goodies home, he was doing us a favor. Oscar and I shouldn't attempt to eat all that fancy food alone. Even if it would be tasty, filling, fatty, and wonderful.

NASFT Winter Fancy Food Show, January 22-24, 2006. Moscone Center, San Francisco. Register online at: www.fancyfoodshows.com 

Some Like it Sriracha

  A large bottle of Sriracha Hot Chili Sauce can be a fine starting point to eating spicy and fiery foods. Squeezing the thick, red paste over Vietnamese, Chinese, Thai, Mexican, or other ethnic soups, sauces, and dishes gives the meal a garlicky, sunny push. Watching an aromatic bowl of pho (from Vietnam II or Pho Saigon) change from a clear broth to a demon racy red brings a purr to the lips. Although Sriracha has a strong garlic note and is on the sweet side (likely due to sugar levels, which is Ingredient Number 2 on the sauce's label), it isn't overly hot on the palate.

Sriracha blends well with Plum Sauce, fish sauce, or as a stand alone dip or pour. Fire eaters can use it to add lettering to plates-perhaps a USC next to those eggs? Or an "I Love You" around the plate's edge? The 17 or 28 ounce bottle gives more than enough room to spread the joy.

Warm Your (Hot Dog) Buns Indoors

The holiday card said it was from Reggie Bush, but it was actually my Dad giving Oscar a real treat- a Ballpark Hot Dog Rotisserie Griller and Bun Warmer machine, along with a "ballpark style" condiment tray. Eating hot dogs takes on a new element of adult hilarity with the Rotisserie Griller and Bun Warmer, which easily plugs-in to any electrical outlet.

The most provocative part of the machine has to be the two stainless steel "spike" Bun Warmers. Some have (correctly) said the Bun Warmers look like Silver Bullet dildos. With up to four weiners turning and glistening on the Grill, let the double entendres fly amidst the sizzling and pleasant "ding" the Griller's timer gives when the dogs are done.

Perhaps the only drawback of the Rotisserie Griller is: it doesn't turn sausages or franks with any sort of curve. Stick to straight hot dogs and/or franks, instead. You don't want to either use tongs or fingers to constantly flip the sausage, or have a half cooked curvy one on your hands (and buns). Niman Ranch's all-beef Fearless Franks (with or without nitrates, your call) fit the Rotisserie Griller just so, and allow for even cooking and sizzling. Showing TV football or other sports to rile the crowd into a further frenzy is optional.