Jalapeño Girl: Catering Tale-Here Comes the Groom

I was used to accepting any catering job that came along. No matter if it was in the wine country, or I had to get up at four a.m. Because I was freelancing and only had one steady part time gig, money was usually tight. Oscar got used to me asking/begging him to please pay my student loans each month. When an event popped up for a beautiful spring Saturday in the wine country, I jumped. The catering company was paying fifteen extra dollars for gas, and I was able to carpool with a fellow CCA alum named Lisa.

Lisa and I got lost, even though we left SF early. The directions weren't perfect, and we took a wrong turn. We arrived twenty minutes after our call time, which I hate to do. It looks bad, sets the wrong impression, and most importantly, means missing staff meal. We were sweaty in our shorts and t-shirts, and the idea of putting on a tuxedo in that weather filled me with dullness and dread. Off we marched to the restroom, where we scrambled to tidy up.

Our staffing captain told us it was a wedding, and that the ceremony was going on right now, in a beautiful deck space looking off into a lush, green valley. There were forty five guests. She told us the names of the bride and groom, but I was trying to dab the sweat off my face and not really paying attention.

"As soon as the ceremony ends, the bride and groom will go off to take pictures while the guests enjoy cocktails. We have frenched lamb to pass, as well as chicken skewers, and duck quesadillas. Who wants to pass food?" I raised my hand. Passing beverages is hardly easy, and I sometimes am tortured by visions of dropping a tray of champagne flutes that shatter into pieces.

I wanted to pass the lamb, so I picked up a tray from the chef's station, a large grill and two tables behind the winery. The chef was sassy molassey, sarcastic and faux cheery. "That lamb is killer. Kicks ass," he warned/told me. Mmm, okay, whatever, chef dude. He was howling and singing along to some Dinosaur Rock tunes.

As I walked onto the wooden deck, it was easy to get rid of the lamb. The deck was too crowded, and the bar wasn't working fast enough to get folks drinks. They didn't even have a water station, and people were thirsty. It was hot. I was halfway round the deck when my mouth dropped open. It was E, known as something of a knowitall from cooking school. Next to her was the babelicious J, who was mysterious and sexy with his tatted arms, lean body, and pretty brown eyes. "Mary!?" she exclaimed.

I wanted to choke and fall to the floor. Ughhhhhhh. "E___, hello!!" I fakely exclaimed. She started guffawing. "Do you know whose wedding this is?" as she laughed and looked at Mr. J. "It's Kevin's!"

"Oh really? Oh wow. Umm." I answered back, nervously. I had flirted and fawned over Kevin in cooking school and even given him a ride home from the Temple Bar one night. I thought he was smart, and interesting for bringing in rose petals to make rose ice cream. My friend Rebecca told me to tell him, "Girls makes passes at guys with glasses," but I never did. Nothing ever happened, and I later found out it was because he had a girlfriend the whole time. This would be the girlfriend he was marrying, today! Had married. Yikes. I had no escape.

I felt so lame in my tuxedo, and had to prove I wasn't a loser. Here's the gem I busted out next, "I'm getting married, too!" I said. Both E & J looked at my hand for an engagement ring but wouldn't you know I didn't wear it that day. Of course. I'd like to think I don't care about what people think, but that's so not true sometimes.

"Well, good to see you guys," I said, and continued to pass the lamb around. The caterers didn't think things through. People kept trying to give me their lamb bones, and one portly man even put a bone on the tray with the untouched lamb. Ewwww. As soon as I got rid of the lamb, I ran around trying to find a bowl or plate that I could collect the bones with. All I could find was a basket, which I lined with paper napkins from the bar.

"Bones, I can take your bones," I droned, as I walked around, collected meaty bones. There was no garbage set up, so I went to the bathroom and dumped the bones in the trash there. It's all about improvisation.

When the cocktail hour was through, I was supposed to help finish setting the tables in the winery's cave. It was cold and beautiful in the cave, but it made me a bit claustrophobic. I took the catering manager aside and explained, "During table service, could I NOT be the one to serve the bride and groom? See, I used to ummm know the groom. We never dated, but their was some interest. I'd rather not go near him, please."

What does she do a half hour later but say, "Okay folks, who's are best server? Mary? I'd love for you to serve the head table." I interrupted, "Remember? Keep me away from that groom!" We settled on me serving the opposite end of the table, at the front of the cave.

As the guests came into the cave, we were supposed to stand and collect their glasses and greet them. The groom spotted me and went pale. He put his hands around his brides waist ("Ha! At least I'm skinnier!" I thought) and pretended to do a dance behind her as they walked by. "Hi," he nervously said, not even looking me in the eye.

The awkwardness continued. I'd feel E & J staring at me every now and then. I couldn't wait to get out of there. Lisa and I giggled when the couple did their first dance to Al Green's "Let's Stay Together." Fitting song. We'll see how that one works out.

Comments

I did catering for years and always felt weddings were the most bizarre events to cater. There's always some sort of weird relationship emotional rollercoaster going on. lol

Posted by: Kung Foodie | April 21, 2006 at 01:37 PM